# I hate the fact I have to be subject to NSFW content to be able to see half of contacts list, and there's no real solution. >[!warning] This post contains NSFW language! >It was originally written Aug 18, 2024 on cohost. ![[balloons.webp|600]] --- First, a disclaimer: I am not shaming NSFW content or sessions, and this is not a full purview of Resonite. These are only my subjective, anecdotal observations. _**If you weaponize this post to complain about Resonite, you are wrong and you are not my friend.**_ I only want to share my thoughts and I'm happy to hear others about theirs - it is not a campaign against the platform. ## So what am I on about? First, let's look at the users of Resonite holistically. As of this writing, [Steam Charts](https://steamcharts.com/app/2519830) says that there are an average of 170 players, with a peak of 323. Do I care about the actual number? No. I only want to point how that number of average players is distributed to the amount of private sessions, according to Resonite's own [metrics page](https://metrics.yellowdogman.com/d/fcc45b49-dbff-43e3-8e80-58829195d0e6/resonite-metrics?orgId=1&viewPanel=16&from=now-24h&to=now). Almost always, the private amount of sessions dominates the platform. ## Are private sessions a bad thing? Nope. Everyone has a right to privacy and their own comforts. The whole 'private sessions are ruining the platform' conversation is a non-starter for so many reasons, and instead of extensively talking about it, I'll just leave you with an analogy - nobody goes to a residential area and asks, "Why isn't everyones door open? Don't they want people to live here?" **Everyone has a right to privacy and comfort.** My main gripe comes from the fact that a lot of these are private because they contain NSFW content. ## So, good! NSFW content should stay in private worlds! Absolutely, I agree. The Resonite community actually does a fantastic job of vetting users to NSFW content. There is a multitude of balances and checks before a NSFW Resonite community lets a member join/attend. I'm glad for this, because my experiences with VRChat have been the exact opposite, where adult content is nearly expected and worst, tolerated in non-private sessions. I just... personally, I'm not a huge fan of NSFW content. Which sucks, because- ## I'm an asexual creature in a community of highly sexual creatures. I don't think it's farfetched to say that the Resonite community is mostly made up of furries, or furry adjacent. And, I don't think it's farfetched to say that a lot of furries are very sexually open. For some, furries are a fetish, or their fetish is prominent in the furry fandom. There's many who became part of the community from the sexual aspect of it. Being asexual, I definitely feel like interacting with other furries is rather... challenging. Most people understand and are nice about it! However, there are also some who refuse to respect my abstinence. More often than not, most furries either ignore my existence or simply do not care about my asexuality and continue to use sexually charged language around me. Which honestly, doesn't bother me too much... _until it does._ ## I'm okay with NSFW stuff I think sexuality is beautiful, and I love when someone is able to express themselves in the way they want to be perceived. I don't take issue to furries being sexual, or indulging their fantasies. I'm actually happy that we have such a open, multicultural community, and I like the fact that Resonite has allowed many of them to partake in their vices. I only have an issue **when I'm the target or attention of the sexuality.** You want to do some kinky shit? That's awesome! Just leave me out of it. Don't suggest it to me, don't try to include me in it, and absolutely **DO NOT** tell me "trust me, I can make you not ace." ## And this is why I'm torn on NSFW sessions. I usually don't mind them. Almost everyone in Resonite understanding, respectful, and more often than not, doing nothing explicit - they're just there to be in a session with their friends while not having to censor anything. Maybe they feel more comfortable portraying themselves as 'naked.' I don't mind it, and it's actually rather comforting to see someone using an avatar with genitalia, and it not be for an explicit purpose. **Then, sometimes, it is explicit.** Everyone trading and staring at porn. Talking about their sexual experiences. Downright fucking in front of everyone. Engaging in extreme fetishes. I can't tell you how uncomfortable it makes me, and usually when this starts to happen, I'll just leave and not make a big deal out of it. After all, there's no reason to try to police everyone's mood because _I'm the ace in the SEX session._ ## "Okay, so just _don't go to NSFW sessions_ smh" I hear you say. The fact of the matter is, all those people in these private sessions? They're also on my contacts list. They're friends that I enjoy hanging out with on the platform. They're people I look forward to seeing when I login. I don't hate them for going to lewd sessions. I don't look down upon them for enjoying themselves. I only dislike it when **I'm unable to see my friends because they're spending their entire time in those kind of sessions.** It's the fact that I don't see a lot of people that I want to hang out with because they don't want to join my sessions. ## I am trying to be the change I want to see I almost always host my sessions as public sessions. I want people to join, I want new people to feel welcomed to the platform, I want to foster a community where anyone can join. Even though I'm socially anxious, and don't have the energy to be a host, I still do it because maybe someone else needs help, or maybe someone just has nowhere to go because they're feeling as hopeless as me when they see their entire contacts list in private smut sessions. Sometimes I just have a public session open even when I'm working on a project, and then people join my session, tell me "you aren't being social! you're staring at an inspector!!" and then go to a NSFW session instead. I've had people come in and treat me like a helpdesk, and ask me how to do or create something. More often than not, I don't mind people joining and chatting with me or asking me questions - it just sometimes leads to me being distracted and not being able to finish my own projects. Usually, their presence outweighs the negatives of my own ADHD, and it leads to me having fun. ## However, I've noticed a scary shift in session culture Because of the prominence of NSFW sessions, almost all sessions, public or otherwise are being treated as soft-NSFW. Even in my public headless server, I have people often joining and just talking about sexual acts, their fetishes, or 'extreme' cuddling. Here's some anecdotal things that have happened to me in my **PUBLIC** session - - A user tell me about how they "sucked someone off" - Tell me how nice my butt would feel on their dick - Join my session, ask if I would go to their session to ERP with them - Remove my clothes via the inspector without asking Now, those sound bad, yet I can say anecdotally, that is nothing compared to the sexual assault I've encountered on VRChat. And, I am not putting in a moderation ticket because I'm no snitch - I just usually go about muting or blocking these people. Without digressing, ## Why do I have to be subjected to this? Why don't I get to see all of my friends unless I join the horny session? Why do people come to be horny when they join my public session? What am I to do? I know there are other Resonite communities that are SFW, but I don't want to try and worm my way into a clique. I've never been great with being social, and I can't just go to a group and ask them to adopt me because "everyone so horny and mean to me." It would be nice if I had such a niche group like that to spend most of my time with, but the reality is that I am a floater with no 'home' to call my own. I don't have a specific group that I can hang out or relate with. I'm what I have become accustomed to calling, **"virtually homeless"**. There's no group I really belong to. There's no Discord, voice call, or group chat that I regularly talk in. There's nowhere I can vent or be vulnerable with without being socially insensitive. ## I am just me. An asexual and a social drifter. And, that's okay by me. I've come to terms with the fact I will never belong to a larger group - that I'll never see behind some closed doors because I'm ace - that I'm not tolerated in a community which touts tolerance. I just... I feel like I lost a lot of friends and contacts by not going to these kind of sessions. Even my own partner would rather spend time in these sessions than be in a public session. I'll keep doing me. Maybe I'll start going back to those sessions again, just to see people. I'll force myself to stomach the things I don't want to see, just so I can continue to have the friends I want to see. There really wasn't a 'lesson' or question in mind when I wrote all this. I am not going to force people to give up their creature comforts to come hang out with me, and I'm not asking for a recruitment to another group. It's just something that I keep thinking about, and I don't think there's really a solution for it. People are people - and I am just not those people. To all the homies who actually do come by my session at the very least and say hi - I appreciate you so much.